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Fear

CO - 2020

Fear and I were finally able to schedule his echocardiogram and cardiologist appointment with Dr. Bove at Alameda East Animal Care Clinic in Denver for Thursday, August 6th — thanks to help from the Brown Dog Foundation! (We also have a follow-up appointment scheduled with his veterinarian at Rising Sun Animal Care.)

 

I adopted FEAR from a rescue organization in 2009, after I had gotten clean off of drugs. During my recovery I decided that I wanted to find the love I had always sought from others by getting a dog of my own. I planned to name it “Fear” because part of my recovery was learning to live with my fears and to embrace them as a part of me. Now, that's how I embrace FEAR. 

 

The truth is, I wasn't sure if I was going to pick him or his sister. He was crawling on top of another Malamute Husky; then he began squealing while my friend was holding his Sister who was being pretty quiet. I asked my friend what he thought about them both, and he said, “you need to let one of them pick you.” He wouldn't stop squealing until I picked him up. I knew then that Fear and I were meant to be together. He chose me.

 

Now Fear has been by my side for 11 years and we've had quite a few ups and downs together. I had a relapse in November of 2015. After being rejected by a guy, I thought no other man would ever love me. I forgot who loved me the most. 

 

For a week I was fixated on myself. I stayed up all night ignoring poor Fear, who didn’t understand. I almost died that week. The paramedic told me in the ambulance that if I didn't stop this downward spiral I would lose the thing I loved most in this world. My dog. I knew I could never give him up.

 

When I recovered, Fear and I moved away from San Francisco. When we first moved to Aurora in 2016 we had nothing except each other. I had to put Fear in a crate for a while and he was so patient; he didn't mind because he knew I loved him and it wouldn't be long before we got back on our feet. We moved into our new home in April 2016 and have made a home for ourselves loving each other. 

 

Now, I've been clean again for almost 5 years. Fear has never seen me ‘high on drugs’ again. I made a vow to myself and my Higher Power not to put him through another week like that again. So far--one day at a time--I haven't. I learned that rejection is not a reason to relapse over when I have the love of the most important being I've ever met. 

 

We go on 2-3 long walks a day and Fear's very happy. He has never bit anyone and he loves on everybody that he sees; even babies. We started going to Rising Sun Animal Care because they were just a mile down the road in Denver and they had good reviews. Last year the vet said that Fear had a heart murmur and that he might need medicine and to see a Cardiologist. The vet said that the dry coughing and the fatigue on walks was probably due to the heart murmur. 

 

I tried everything to get the money together through donations and my own finances to get Fear that appointment, but we never had enough. I found out about the Brown Dog Foundation and applied for assistance. Thanks to them Fear will now get the care he needs and it might give us a few more years together on this planet. We both know that we're with each other in this life and the next. Forever is forever.